The Diary of A Lunatic
by Reader-Writer
Summary: ‘You are one strange case,’ the Sorting Hat said in my ear, while I stared into darkness. ‘Why, thanks,’ I whispered to it. ‘Have you always been a singing hat?’ Flip through the pages of a lunatic's diary. Written for my one year anniversary at FF-net.
1. 1st September: Diary or Mad Gaze Worm?

**The Diary of A Lunatic **

**Reader-****Writer**

_-_

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is never going to be mine. Now excuse me, I'll go and cry about it in a corner. **

_-_

'_You are one strange case,' the Sorting Hat said in my ear, while I stared into darkness. 'Why, thanks,' I whispered to it. 'Have you always been a singing hat?' Flip through the pages of a lunatic's diary. Written for my one year anniversary at FF-net._

_-_

**1****st**** September: Diary or Mad Gaze-Worm?**

Dear Diary,

Are you really a diary? I'm not so sure...in my eyes, you look a tad strange for a diary…

Are you quite sure you're not a Mad Gaze-Worm? It's alright if you are...I promise I won't throw you into the fire. In fact, you might become famous, if I can prove you're a Mad Gaze-Worm. You see, nobody has been able to prove the Mad Gaze-Worms existence yet… though I would say Doris Mann's evidence seemed trustworthy (the Ministry of Magic didn't agree, unfortunately). Of course, if you aren't a Mad Gaze-Worm, you won't know what I'm talking about. Well, a Mad Gaze-Worm is a slimy worm that hides into common things, like chairs, tables, tea-cups or books. If you use it too much (for an example, if you sit too often in the chair, the Mad Gaze-Worm is hidden in), then two huge black eyes will pop out from the infected object, and you will not be able to look away from the eyes on the object ever again. It's very scary, actually. But on you Diary, I've already used the basic magic to check whether you're a Diary or a Mad Gaze-Worm. I'm almost positive now, that you're only a Diary, but you can never be too sure… So I've put my Secret Security Sunglasses on (got them from Daddy last Christmas...it'll protect me from some magical, dangerous creatures, but not all unfortunately). I have to remember to wear them every time I write in you, Diary (or Mad Gaze-Worm). I'm very fond of my Secret Security Sunglasses... in fact, they are one of my dearest belongings. Unfortunately, though, they make me look like a over-large insect.

Oh my, I just remembered...I completely forgot to introduce myself!

I'm so sorry, that was most rude of me, even if you are a dangerous creature that is planning on ruining my life.

My name is Luna Lovegood. I'm eleven years old, and I am currently sitting in a bed, that from today on is mine. Today, I've had a very magical day...even for a girl, who grew up with magic. You see, today I started on my new school, Hogwarts. I've gotten my letter, which informed me, that I was accepted to go in the school. I was most delighted, of course, but I wasn't too afraid of being a squib. Last year, for an example, I made smoke come out from my ears (though that might have been the Floating Fuzz-Bees fault).

Well, this very morning, I finished the last packing of my school trunk. Then, Daddy said goodbye to me, when we were on Platform 9 ¾, King's Cross station. I went into the train and found a compartment. In it two boys and a girl were sitting. The girl had long, black hair and black, cold eyes, that reminded me slightly of a Mad Gaze-Worm's eyes (I have to ask Daddy, whether the Mad Gaze-Worms can posses humans too!). Of course, I've only seen them on pictures, but the pictures were very realistic. One of the boys was scrawny, had high cheek-bones and long, blond hair. The second boy was very tall, had a round, cheerful face and his brown hair concealed his blue eyes very good.

'Excuse me,' I said, when I had opened the door. 'There are no other compartments left, can I sit here?'

'Sure,' the boy with the round face said.

'Thanks,' I said. 'Really, have you seen how many Floating Fuzz-bees there are in the train? It's a nightmare!'

The round-faced boy looked puzzled, while the scrawny boy raised his eyebrows. He had very thin eyebrows, by the way - they were like two thin lines, barely visible. Who I should sit beside, I had no doubt in...I immediately sat down beside the round-faced boy. He certainly seemed the nicest of those three. The four of us introduced ourselves, and then the black-eyed girl used the rest of the trip, studying her fingernails. The two boys spent the whole trip, talking about Quidditch and Hogwarts houses. I used my time to re-read my edition of the Quibbler (Daddy owns the magazine...I have always found it highly interesting). Afterwards, I took on my Secret Security Sunglasses on, and fell asleep.

Then suddenly the train stopped, and I was awake immediately, having no trouble remembering, that I was going to arrive at the school now. All new students were being motioned down in boats, by a big man. He didn't look like a giant, they are much bigger, but he might have eaten too many Chocolate Fudge's, as a kid...

An old lady once told my Dad, not to eat any Chocolate Fudge's, as they can make you become the size of a giant... I have got to ask the 'Big Man', whether it was the Chocolate Fudge's, next time I see him. Yes, I know it's horrible to call him 'Big Man', but I have no idea what he is called... I'll have to ask him of his name, too...

While I sat in the boat, I looked up in the sky and thought I saw a strange flying thing in the air, far away… Perhaps it was a Thestral. We arrived at the beautiful castle, and entered what was called 'The Great Hall'. A hat started singing about the four houses of Hogwarts (Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin), and afterwards, it started sorting new students in the four houses. When it was my turn, the hat was silent for a few seconds. I don't know why, but it seemed a little surprised...

'You are one strange case,' the Sorting Hat said in my ear, while I stared into darkness.

'Why, thanks,' I whispered to it. 'Have you always been a singing hat?'

I'm almost sure the hat chuckled – it didn't respond though, just shouted 'Ravenclaw!'

I went down to the Ravenclaw table, while I wondered how the hat could be so sure of it's decision. Not that I'm unhappy about the decision...not at all. I'm glad I was put in Ravenclaw, though none of the houses would be bad. Slytherin would maybe become as a bit of a shock, but all houses are to be proud of.

After eating a delicious meal, we were all sent to our common rooms. But I think it might be time to sleep now...after all, tomorrow I'm going to start studying and all.

So, goodnight diary...sweet dreams. (Can Diaries dream? I'm really not sure...I must ask a teacher… even more important though, can Mad Gaze-Worms dream?).

Luna Lovegood.

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**A/N: ****I wrote this story for my one year's anniversary here on, since the first story I've ever wrote also was Luna's diary (in her fourth year, though). Hopefully, I've improved comparing to my old story. ****Anyway, what do you think of this story? Is Luna believable or completely out of character? **

**Suggestions are always welcome, the same goes for questions. Reviews are like chocolate - really good, especially at cheering us up! (Can you eat a review, though?) ****So... er, please review. :)**

**Reader-Writer.**


	2. 2nd September: Gluttonous Warts

**The Diary of A Lunatic**

**Reader-Writer **

**-**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I would not even have to write this disclaimer at all.**

_-_

'_You are one strange case,' the Sorting Hat said in my ear, while I stared into darkness. 'Why, thanks,' I whispered to it. 'Have you always been a singing hat?' Flip through the pages of a lunatic's diary. Written for my one year anniversary at FF-net._

**-**

**2****nd**** September: Gluttonous Warts**

Dear Diary,

Hogwarts is very nice, though I do wonder why they call it Hogwarts. 'Hog' can mean several things, one of them is 'gluttonous'. And 'warts'… well, warts is warts. Why would anyone name a school a name like that?

I do wonder if I should start calling the school 'Gluttonous Warts'…?

Today was my first day at school. In our first class at Gluttonous Warts, Ravenclaw had Charms with the Hufflepuff's. We were supposed to learn the charm, Wingardium Leviosa, which was supposed to be quite easy, but as it was the first spell we all had to learn, it was harder than expected. At the end of the class, I think my feather _nearly _levitated, I'm quite sure I'll be able to make it fly in our next class of Charms.

Afterwards, we had Potions, which was no fun. The teacher, called Snake or Slug or something, was very rude and non-kind. He only praised the Slytherin's, whom we had class with, and was quite evil against all students from Ravenclaw. I got bored half-way through my potion, and ended up with an orange potion, instead of red, because I had been wondering whether our teacher actually showered.

In our last class, we had Transfiguration, which was quite hard. Transforming needles are much harder, than you should think.

But even though our school is named very strangely (maybe the founders were infected by 'Mad Centaur Disease'?), we have a non-showering potion teacher and Transfiguration is hard (even for a Ravenclaw), I really like this school.

I've found it troublesome to get friends, though; nobody in my dorm seems to accept, that I believe in creatures that are not proven to exist. Maybe, I will get friends from another house. I've always thought it would be rather interesting, to have a Slytherin friend.

Anyway, I sent an owl to Daddy today, telling him that I had landed in Ravenclaw and how interesting everything was here at the school. I also mentioned to him, that he should send me our bottle of 'Vera's Remover'. You see, 'Vera's Remover' removes Puzzled Slugs, and Puzzled Slugs always hide in greasy stuff. And I'm concerned for our potion teacher's safety… The Puzzled Slugs eats your hair, and makes you deaf and bald.

Well, I think I have talked enough about warts and greasy stuff… It's time to go to bed.

So, goodnight Diary!

(By the way, don't worry; I don't think you're a Mad Gaze-Worm anymore.)

Luna Lovegood.

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**A/N: I do realize 'Hog' would make more sense to be translated as 'pig', but here you go... Anyway, thanks for reading; reviews are more than welcome!**

**Reader-Writer.**


	3. 31st October: Deadly Monsters

**The Diary of A Lunatic**

**Reader-Writer**

**-**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter…**

**-**

'_You are one strange case,' the Sorting Hat said in my ear, while I stared into darkness. 'Why, thanks,' I whispered to it. 'Have you always been a singing hat?' Flip through the pages of a lunatic's diary. Written for my one year anniversary at FF-net._

_-_

**31st October: Deadly Monsters**

Dear Diary,

Today, something horrible happened; the Chamber of Secrets has been opened!

After the Halloween feast, Filch discovered his cat to… well, actually, I weren't there, but I've heard a lot of rumours about it this evening.

Some say she died, some say she was turned into a rock, some say she exploded and some even say she turned into a lollipop and Dumbledore, our headmaster, accidentally ate her.

Most people, however, say that she has been petrified. I've come to the conclusion, that she might be a petrified and eaten lollipop. When I shared this with a few Ravenclaw's in our Common Room, they laughed. I don't know why – they believe she exploded, which is much more unlikely. I mean, Daddy always told me this rhyme, when I was little: 'You'll all be toads, if someone explodes.'

But I'm not a toad, and I haven't heard anyone else were toads yet. So, that leaves death, rocks, petrified or lollipops.

I feel sorry for Filch. He is just a sad man, who really likes his cat. There is nothing wrong with that; is there? Maybe he would be kinder, if someone treated him more nicely. Yes; tomorrow, I'll say something kind to him.

But besides the dead/rock-like/exploded/lollipop-like/petrified cat, there was written on a wall, that the Chamber of Secrets has been opened, which is quite terrible.

Daddy has told me about the Chamber of Secrets; he says Salazar Slytherin and Beatrice Buttons created the chamber, but Beatrice Buttons was poisoned by a very large needle. Then, Salazar (did I mention he actually published songs secretly, and is the creator of the old wizard song called 'Unicorns and Flowery Love?) became very sad. He created a monster-army of bewitched unicorns and flying snakes, and sealed the Chamber. Then, he left Hogwarts forever. The monsters are going to try and kill Muggle-borns and rule the world, using cleverly-made forks.

It's actually a bit sad story. It seems like everything about the Chamber of Secrets is horribly tragic.

And Harry Potter was caught at the place, where the cat/Chamber-of-Secrets-has-opened incident had happened. I don't think he has opened the chamber – actually, I think its Salazar's ghost, along with a couple of multi-coloured peacocks.

Either way, today has definitely proven to be a very tragic day. To make everything worse, I got a depressing letter from dad. It said:

_Dear Luna,_

_I miss you so much! I hope you are well at Hogwarts – don't forget to watch out for the Nargles. _

_Our house - most unfortunately - has been attacked by a swarm of Sweetlings. I have driven them away now, but the house is still full of negative energy. Maybe, when you come home, we can clean the house, and get rid of the negativity?_

_I went to Ymaline Ypsi yesterday – the old fortune teller? I know how much you love to ask her questions about the future, so I asked her to tell your fortune. She said you were to be careful around those who haven't got pureblood, because they may be followed by evil monsters. She also advised us to watch out for butterflies. _

_Love,_

_Dad._

The letter proves, that the monsters really _are _out there, and that they – wow, it sure is cold today. I wonder why…

Well, the monsters are evil and real. Not good - not good at all, actually.

Luna Lovegood.

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**A/N: Luna may sound older, than she really is, but... well, she is a Ravenclaw, right? Other than that, I'm starting to doubt anyone is actually _reading_ this... So, a review would be lovely and more than welcome.**


	4. 30th November: Project Filch

**The Diary of A Lunatic**

**Reader-Writer**

**-**

**Disclaimer: I still do not own Harry Potter.**

**-**

'_You are one strange case,' the Sorting Hat said in my ear, while I stared into darkness. 'Why, thanks,' I whispered to it. 'Have you always been a singing hat?' Flip through the pages of a lunatic's diary. Written for my one year anniversary at FF-net._

**-**

**30****th November: Project Filch  
**

Dear Diary,

I have discovered that the Gryffindor ghost, Nicky de Mimsy-Mary-Poppins, died the 31st of October, which are also the day Filch's cat got petrified and the day of Halloween. I believe that is a clue – I mean the potion "Felix Felicis" makes you lucky… so maybe we're dealing with the opposite of luck, maybe a potion called Felicia Felicis, that makes you unlucky! That would explain petrifying/deaths/other stuff. Unfortunately, there's probably not much I can do about _that. _I might write to my father about it, though: it could be an interesting article.

I was burdened with homework and other stuff since Halloween, so I couldn't do the "Filch Project" then. But I figured now Filch probably needed a friend more than ever, so todayI started my "Get-Friendly-With-The-Caretaker"-project:

'Hello," I said to Filch.

'Can't you see I'm cleaning? Get those muddy feet away from here!" He responded. He has such an interesting face. It looked like he was sneering at me; but of course, I know he wouldn't do so. He's probably just a bit shy. All in all, I think Project Filch went rather well.

Our Defence against the Dark Arts teacher tried to teach us a way to protect ourselves against all monsters. But the spell only caused everyone's shoelaces to untie. He says that effect sometimes happen, his wand isn't functioning right and that he is very tired. It's a bit odd actually, but I kind of got the feeling, that he wasn't very good at his subject.

There was a Quidditch match just yesterday – Gryffindor against Slytherin. Gryffindor won. I'm glad, as long as they don't defeat Ravenclaw.

I am currently reading a book called "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" (by Newt Scamander), which is very good. I'm also reading "Fantastic Feasts and Where to Find Them" by Bewt Samantha. The two books are very alike.

Other than that, there is a lot to say, but I'm starving… so I guess I have to go down for dinner. I hope they've got chicken.

Luna Lovegood

_PS: A first year has been petrified – his name is Colin Creevey (I worked with him once in Potions, I think. Yeah, he accidentally burned down the whole cauldron... I'm not sure __how...). The whole school seems terrified. My latest suspicion is that the monster is giant snake. Yes, I'm absolutely positive of that._

_…Though an Iceberg Monkey could have done it as well, I suppose…_

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the long waiting time. ****If you're still reading this, I'd love a review.**


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